It's been a long long two years.

[reidharriscooper]

 

To state my life throughout 2025 and now into the calendar year of 2026 was a rollercoaster at the levels of both Twisted Colossus but also Medusa is actually in some ways an understatement. The “funny” thing is I don't like roller coasters. Dark rides for sure, interactive immersion experiences, haunted houses, flumes, water slides, lazy rivers, maybe even a ferris wheel with the right person and I am down, but thrill rides are not my jam. That is besides the point to my life being like one. In terms of LJ Idol and even then dreamwidth, the last time I spoke of my life or updated it in this format was November 2024. Since then missives from me were either on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram or my website. A perspective retrospective memoir is actually worthy here for I had many adventures, much drama, much sadness and much happiness that I truly believe is fascinating and worthwhile of attention. Hopefully dear reader, I have yours. We are about to go on a journey across America to various states, learn just a tiny bit of what care taking an ill parent you love is like and how horrible the medical system is, and what it's like to experience things first hand that maybe we were never meant to but here we are.

By November of 2024 after an emergency surgery, stint in a horrendous rehab center and then recovery at home after a long battle to get her discharged my mother had gained a lot of strength back. She had wanted to rely on herself to handle things like changing her ostomy bag, or other such things. She still needed me for most tasks and maintaining the household, but we both felt comfortable with her being alone for a few hours or even an entire weekend so I could breath on occasion with all I handled during the week. On Election Day of 2024 I attended a graffiti art party and saw many a friend from that scene. The weekend after that on a Friday there was a pop-up temporary shop/exhibit for the physical video game producer Limited Run which I followed up the experience with going to a famous street art wall. A few weeks later before the end of the month I went to the American Dream Mall in New Jersey with a friend who since is no longer one, which actually that weekend should have been a sign to just let that friendship end. Instead of getting into the gritty details of what happened then I'll use the conclusion of our friendship to be a perfect snapshot of being blind to toxicity because of kinship till one overpowers the other. That was actually a full weekend with two wrestling shows, one of them in a nearby town and the other at the Retail and Entertainment emporium itself. I had never been to the American Dream before so I really took it all in on both days we were there. There is some really great food to be had and some just okay. I have yet to experience the water park and have been back to the American Dream twice since. I wanted to go with mom and it just never got to happen for a variety of reasons.

December of that year was mostly quiet. Taking care of mom. Entertaining myself through fun purchases using money earned from the caretaking, which truly was more intensive than I care to remember. Nothing as intense or as serious as the six months of 2026, but also not easy in the least. I did a lot of reminiscing actually of the good times of 2024 to get me through my birthday and New Years. Focusing on the good is sometimes all we can do, but we also do not forget the bad. Ever.

As 2025 rolled in things were mostly quiet, cept for a birthday present to myself of going to a major wrestling show from the same company that ran American Dream at the very well known venue of Hammerstein Ballroom. The last time they ran there was considered a very bad deal for the company. They got a chance to do a redo. The curse wasn't lifted as tragedy and injuries still hit, but fun was still had by all and it was for the most part a fun day (I was with the same now former friend and was still ignoring red flags towards vested kinship). My mom was even able to function well enough that she had taken a trip to New Orleans by herself to visit our mutual best friend. February was very quiet, but I spent the majority of it trying to solve BOX 2 by Neil Patrick Harris. I didn't enjoy it as much as Box 1, but it was still a worthwhile experience and an amazing piece of art from the folks at theory11.

By the end of March things started getting pretty super roller coaster. I went back to the American Dream Mall for Jonascon and got to see The All-American Rejects live (as well as Jonas Brothers). The best part of this experience was that other than a fairly expensive and not fully worth the price but delicious and a one of chance type meal where they converted Marcus Samuelsson's spot into a version of Nellie's Southern Kitchen. Then two days in Philadelphia with mother. While I have been to Philadelphia many a time, my mother actually had never truly seen it as an adult. This was a very full weekend with two brunches, two full dinners, museums, street arts, thrift shops and even a wrestling show. We never fought, we had an amazing time and mother loved discovering a city through my eyes and knowledge.

The pure surrealness would come into two weeks into April. My mom's health still better than ever despite still being on a colostomy bag took a trip to Richmond, VA. The family friend she visited thought she had a seizure, got scared and admitted to her the hospital. I had to take a same day last minute flight and then stay overnight at a hotel because of the hours the happening. Despite medically clearing her, deciding there was nothing wrong and that she might've just drank too much wine the hospital would not discharge her to return to NYC on her own. This occurrence you'd think would make us worry, but she was legit fine the next day and had nothing like it happen again till the stroke. The two of us even had another amazing weekend together as we went to the open art studios of the DUMBO area of NYC and then to Industry City the next day to check out a small comix fest and the very cool shopping center with art galleries, niche shops and restaurants. Mom's health was so strong that I had even booked a week long trip for myself because despite these great trips and her health truly better, there we still rough days and I needed respite. Mother had surgery to reverse the ostomy and we were told she'd only need a month to get back to where she was finally with how strong she had gotten. This turned out to be true for the most part.

Bureaucracy turned its ugly head and it took from May 27-June 5^th to actually get my mom discharged and away from a horrible rehab experience. After the one she had in 2024 after the emergency surgery I would never let her endure that again. It was a fight though and I didn't make this decision. She was the one who insisted she wanted to recover at home. I reminded her how much an ordeal that was as much as rehab was. This wasn't a quick and easy decision, and I had life plan things that I had put on hold already for her that she wouldn't want me to do again, but home she came. Most of June was shot though. I had to be there for her, but I had an end of June visit to my first American library Association Expo and the trip to Denver in July, both fully paid for and with lots of non-refundable.

I had always wanted to go to ALA but it was also always in cities that I wanted to visit. One can't really go to an ALL DAY book expo and see the city, so when they announced Philadelphia for 2025 I was in. I've seen Philly, I didn't need to see it again, I would have no FOMO or regret. Which I didn't. This trip was amazing. The hotel I ended up at after a few issues was a block from the convention center and across the street from the food haven known as Terminal Market. I walked away from the expo with so many books, met some of my favorite writers and even met George Takei. A story about the Brotherly Love that PA is famous for. There was this awesome hat for Ma Lessies' Chicken and waffles that caught my eye as I was on line to buy some ACTUAL fried chicken & waffles. I wanted to buy one but they only had it in black. The chef gave me the pink hat off his head, no charge, even after I offered. Amazing. And so was the food.

 

Shortly after the ALA weekend I went to my first ever GCW Backyard wrestling show. This was a really wild day and the red flags of friendship soon to end hadn't bared their head the whole time. Well, this isn't true, but I didn't realize they were red flags till weeks later and I couldn't even think about them cause I had the Denver trip to prepare for and wanted no dampeners. Being at my first backyard show was truly wonderful though. Taking place on a farm in the middle of nowhere, BBQ, heat, other friends who I am still friends with (and saw in 2026 as well, we'll get there), Crazy Mike Gaboff wrestling. A truly amazing fourth of July that while for the future of the fourth will now be ingrained differently, I will also try to focus on the good times and not the tragedies.

Denver had ABSOLUTELY not a single issue. From moment at the airport to moment back. Okay, I'm lying. Half way through the trip my phone exploded. Everything I needed for the trip was on the phone. Not just not being able to capture the trip in photo and video as are phones are now for at times. I would have no way to call my cousin who I would be spending time with. I had no way to show my virtual tickets to events I prepaid for. This was quickly rectified and I was fortunate that I had been super careful with my finances that I could handle this extreme needed emergency expense. Seriously though, other than this snag it was a perfect trip. I had amazing food experiences, went to Meow Wolf's Convergence Station, Elitch Gardens, the zoo, art museums, the graffiti spots, Voodoo Doughnut, and much more. My cousin drove us to the top of a section of Rocky Mountain National Park (an elevation of 11,796 feet). They also took me over The Stanley Hotel, the inspiration for Stephen King's The Shining. Importantly I also got see the renovated and changed Casa Bonita. I had to book my entire trip over this reservation and it was 110% worthwhile. I'm actually a Founders Club member so I have my pick of reservations and if a trip to Denver was easy I'd go again and again. I should point out I guess one more bad thing that did happen on my trip. On my literal LAST day I fell and I fell hard. A simple trip missing a step I had gone up and down multiple times the entire week. I busted my finger, my knee and thigh. They were still damaged for at least a month after, but I endured.

(In this photo I am at Casa Bonita. You can see the pink Ma Lessie hat I got in Philly. The shirt I am wearing is of pro wrestler and entertainer BMD who I spend many nights watching and speaking to and his community on Twitch)

When I got back from Denver I had to start arranging for my last major thing of that summer which was a wrestling show at a ball park in Coney Island. This was almost a month after Denver though, so in between it was just back to caretaking for mom whose health at this point was really good, had come to rely on me for things like cooking, bills, keeping the house clean, etc. She really recovered fast from the reverse surgery. Life was moving.

I had bought tickets for me and that multiple time mentioned friend. So let's go back to the 4^th for a moment. We had rented a car for the trip, but it turns out he barely had enough for that. Our buy in to the show was also us buying fireworks but he did that purchase on his own, had given me an idea of what my half would be and then had done completely incorrect research, so I had to end up covering way more than planned on that and then I also covered all the tolls including the ones he had getting back to his home hours away from mine. I had no problem with this, but also explained to him in strict terms that I couldn't do this again for Coney Island. I was covering the tickets and since he insisted of renting a car instead of getting to NYC and taking the subway, parking. A week before he said he didn't have any of the money because he had bought a game console and asked if I could front him on everything, the car rental, money to eat, everything. I explained to him over a voice message that this just wasn't going to work and I'd find someone to go with or eat the extra ticket and go by myself and in the future when he had things better together we'd arrange something. His reaction? Blocked me on social media. I am sure he has his own version of this story. There is also way more to the story, but basics are the basics. I refused to let him borrow anymore no matter if he would pay me back, it was just too stressful on my part and his reaction was to cut all ties, basically revealing every red flag I ignored I was REALLY ignoring. (He's had to owe me more than once, and while always got the money to me later, I still had to upfront it and be out till he did). Anyway, they are completely out of my life now after an actually really long friendship of many years with lots of trips together before finally me cutting off for ONE show and him deciding “well fuck this”.

I ended up taking my mom to the show and she had an excellent time. Really enjoyed herself. Enough so to say she would be happy to come with me to other shows if the occurrence was there. I think around then is when I started planning and booking the 2026 Vegas trip we didn't get go on together. We have a lot more to cover before that though. A whole month passed again of nothing special or exciting, just normal every day living, caretaking and such, but also a lot of planning for my next big trip of 2025. Going to my first ever PAX West in Seattle.

At the end of August, so basically ALMOST September, a good amount of time in between but also cause of how life is felt like years and also days in the same breath of stress and non stress, I got on a plane again to the PNW. I was actually an invited press member to this huge video game convention and that made it extra special. While I was out in Seattle, not everything went perfect because that just doesn't happen to me. My adventures have wildness. On my first night out I went to a party and went left instead of right on the way “home” ending up actually seeing parts of Seattle I didn't have on my itinerary at all. That was okay though because I did see almost everything else I planned. I went to the marketplace, I saw the gum wall, I got to the famous curiosity shoppe, explored every inch of the Pop Culture museum and of course went to PAX and walked away from the trip with tons of cool free stuff I still treasure now and food stuffs I look at photos of and have memories forever.

With mother's health doing fantastic she booked a cruise for later in the year, we had Vegas set for 2026 and we were going to Illinois in November. Knowing we had so much coming up didn't mean September and October were quiet though. One weekend in September I headed to nowhere New Jersey on my lonesome using the train for a tribute and fundraising for a wrestler and friend in Jeff “Cannonball” G. in his fight and survival against early onset ALS. My relationship with him and his wife Samantha (also a wrestler) runs deeper than wrestling as does it with almost every wrestler who worked this show. We all love Jeff and we always will. He will be gone sooner than later, a sad inevitably with the disease but he is living as much as he can and events like this are wonderful ways to celebrate. More are happening this year but with everything I've been through and on my plate I don't think I'll be able to attend.

The end of September through October and even into November I was able to see many of the major films of the awards seasons. Usually with the actors/directors doing Q & As after. That was a fun experience. Some better than other based on the venue. Some I took mother too. In November one of them I took our friend Pam to while she was visiting mom at rehab. Deliver Me From Nowhere, Anemone, Wicked for Good, Smashing Machine, Pillion, A Familiar Touch, and more. My aunt passed away in October as well and my mom took this extremely unwell. Many of us think it helped lead to the stroke. We'll never know as tests showed nothing... nothing heart, nothing brain, no answers, but historical evidence states emotional trauma can be a factor to physical.

November 2025, the roughest month of my life. Mother had a stroke out of no where, spent 12 or 13 days at a hospital before being considered well enough for acute rehab. I visited ALMOST every day. I had to cancel Thanksgiving, the cruise my mother was going to take with Pam (Pam wasn't going to go alone, the entire point was an adventure with my mom, she wouldn't have been able to enjoy it... and I couldn't have either, I needed to be there for mom). Seeing my mom struggle daily but get stronger one day but then weak again the next was so rough, not just on me. I saw her agony, at times she just wanted to give up and other times she wanted to get better. It was a time.

In December, the rehab said my mom was ready to move to sub acute. In retrospect/perspective I wish I knew how wrong they were. I wish I knew the facility I moved her too which at the time was the best option was very good at smoke and mirrors. There's so much I wish I knew. Most of December was just taking care of everything involved in mother. It was a lot. I was grateful I had a loving kitty and tons of technology at home when not spending hours at her side in rehab. I also was very grateful for the times I did get out. Like even heading to Jersey on New Year's Eve for wrestling. Even if on the way there I got thew news that would change my 2026 completely.

I ended up having to take mom home from the second rehab early, where she actually truly didn't make as much recovery as one should have. While she could now feed herself and communicate much better, she did not regain control of her right side. She couldn't stand without lots of assistance and she couldn't get out of bed without a hover. So, why did I take her home? Well, they had a flu outbreak on her floor and she was moved to a floor that was a nursing home for folks who were NEVER going home and never recovering. They had no timeline for when she would be placed back on the proper floor for her and had no protocol to treat the patients who had to be moved as patients going home instead of ones with proper respect. If I wasn't going to be there she would always be in a common room with people so far gone they screamed constantly. It took one day of me seeing how this floor functioned to say “How long?” and for them to say “We don't know” and having to fight that if that was the case, the rehab wasn't working and she'd be better off at home, even if it meant me being a full time nurse for her as stressful and hellish as that would be. I had some wild hope though that with recovery at home she would be strong enough to join me in Vegas even if in a wheel chair. Instead of being a respite from the most intensive carework one could ever have, in which days felt like months. I knew there was a chance she wouldn't be coming, but I still did some booking as if she would be.

The things that kept me sane are probably not what would have kept you the same, but they helped. Nights where I had edibles that took me to a place of outerspace but still clear headed enough to do what I had to for a completely bed ridden parent. Days where I went into VR but never deep enough that I couldn't pause and be there. Lots of making art and drawings. Whatever distracted me from reality when reality smacked in the face at least once every two hours, if not more. Tigerlily really helped a lot during this time, as much as cats can help. This was my life from Jan 3^rd to April 14^th when I took the Vegas trip sadly alone.

This was my second trip to Vegas. It was a Wrestlefest week as WM was in town which meant tons of indie wrestling as well. I got to see shows from some folks I enjoy around the country in one place. Stayed in the same hotel as many of the wrestlers as well, which is where a lot of the wrestling also took place. I even ended up working a show last minute on production. When not at wrestling I took in a lot of Vegas. Visited the hotels of Fremont, parts of hotels I hadn't been before, restaurants I really wanted to go to, and even made it to Horror Unleashed- the year round Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights experience which I did alongside a new visit to Meow Wolf's Omega Mart. Vegas actually went off with no hitches, no major problems, smooth sailing... ALMOST. The agency I had hired to take care of my mom did a horrendous job. Sent nurses who didn't speak English, called me to ask questions when nurses quit halfway through for reasons proving they should NOT be nurses. I spoke at length with supervisors at this agency about the situation, it was like I spoke to no one and my phone went off at hours where I could do nothing being three hours behind. It caused stress and I was quite concerned for mom and whatever I decided to do would've always felt like the worst possible choice, so I had to trust everything would be okay and luckily it was. Mom was fine and no worse for wear other than maybe some bruising because they sent nurses who didn't understand the circumstances despite.

(This photo is from Horror Unleashed where I am being "murdered" by a Easter Bunny who is also a snuff film director)

After returning from Vegas, renewing my spirits, it was back for the daily, grueling life of care taking and sadly seeing my mother get better and worse day to day. I wouldn't even get out again till May 31^st for a comic con at my local high school followed by a street fair and remembering that in the past May 31^st would've been a day at Book Expo followed by one of best friends birthdays who sadly passed away back in 2020. He would definitely be still one of my best today and probably who I would've turned to a lot during this chaos. I didn't make it out of the house again till June 29^th and this was on a whim and test of knowing I had plans for both the fourth and fifth of July. The test was successful, mom was okay as I had more sure she was all set for me being gone, but … well.

 

On July 4^th I actually wondered if I should cancel my plans. I'd lose money, but I'd have been home. I'd have been maybe able to keep mom alive, but conversations with many friends and family we determined she waited for me to be gone long enough to finally go. She was not recovering. She had regular physical therapy happening, but was not seeing improvement. She even had a session still scheduled for after that weekend. There were other signs of things getting worse instead of better, her main doctor for house visits was on vacations and he had no replacement. The doctor she had before the stroke wouldn't change his house call policy as a favor. I made more than one real attempt to get her into a wheel chair. Her body did not allow it. My mom told me to go to my plans, she didn't want me to miss out. I will forever regret it, but I will also understand that had I been home I would prolong what she wanted. She no longer wanted this life. She said so daily. She asked me to end things for her even though she knew I wouldn't. She knew if I was there I would do whatever it took to keep alive even though she had a full DNR signed and certified. By the way, if you have never had someone pass away in your home and then called emergency services for it, the post experience is absolutely horrendous. They unintentionally make you feel like a criminal who committed murder because of the protocol and bureaucracy of the system.

 

The day after July 4^th I had planned to go to my second ever GCW Backyard wrestling. This time as a guest of my own. It was going to cost just as much as the last year to get there, but to me it was worth it cause good will had them telling me come and I knew that youknowho was not going to go having no way to. I was going to cancel though. My mother had just passed. I was up till the wee hours because of when I discovered her and the aftermath. Family said I should go if I could find the strength and I am so glad I did. It was wonderful and everyone was caring and loving and sweet and kind. The show was super fun and I felt like I was with “family” and it was what I needed at the time. Just a few hours on a Sunday before actually tackling everything I would have to that I couldn't do on a weekend cause that's how the world works.

 

I didn't end up getting my mother's remains till July 17, marking as I am writing this over a three day period, now finally the two month mark. It took a little bit longer than that to actually get the estate settled and I am sure something out there that I missed will bear its head eventually, but for now I am “free and clear” to begin my life. Most of July was just phonecalls and paperwork and holding strong. In August I got out twice though with an expo at Jacob Javits and a Physical Media fair in Brooklyn. Everytime I make it out, even if I just go out to Trader Joes or Costco for food shopping I tend to have an experience, but for the most part I am still a homebody.

 

I have New York Comic Con in October for four days and that will be a real “coming out” back into the world post mom though. It's a whole new world and I have to tackle it. Tackle it with me?

(written for The Real LJ Idol-20th Anniversary-Week One-Open Topic)

Comments

[pixiebelle]

Twisted Colossus. The roller coaster references weren’t lost on me as a certified roller coaster fan. And what I read afterward was indeed a roller coaster.

Being a caregiver to an aging parent has to be one of the hardest jobs in life. I haven’t done it for a parent, but I have been present for a grandfather who helped raise me since I didn’t have a dad. I was young, but I’ll never forget what it’s like. It consumes you. I’m sure it’s hard to get back to your life after that. I’m glad that you could attend some events, and I really hope you enjoy Comic Con.

[reidharriscooper]

I'll never find out what Twisted is line. Not happening. Not unless maybe I'm being paid at least $10000 per interval. Maybe $5000 but then hazard pay too and only for viral views that keep making me money on top of the money. What? Look care giving shoulda paid that much!

I actually have done the care giving thing four times for both parents over life cause of various conditions/situations. Getting back to life is always hard after, but this time I'm much older and I have to remember, this is the end of that road and I have to love and take care of myself and get life going faster if I want to enjoy it. Not that I haven't. I mean obviously I have.

[xyla]

I'm not one for rollercoasters (the movie Final Destination 3 only exacerbated my aversion to them, haha) but I can certainly relate to the analogy at the beginning. This year alone feels that way 😣

I'm so sorry for your loss! :(


I really hope you enjoy the con in October.

[reidharriscooper]

Those movies aren't what turned me away. Being on rollercoasters did it. I understand though. I mean when logs or trucks are in front of me on the road even just as a passenger I'm highly alert and ready to duck.

I really hope I enjoy con too. I'm starting to plan and it's stressful just working out a schedule and knowing choosing one awesome thing to do means you miss another awesome thing at the same time. Once I choose I'll be good, but first you still need to choose.

[humanbeansradio]

I’m really glad to see you back here. You’ve carried an enormous amount these past couple of years, and the love you have for your mom comes through all of this. I was especially struck by the strange place you’ve arrived at now, where after so long organizing your life around caring for someone you love, you suddenly have to figure out what your own life looks like again. I sort of have a non-same story that is also putting me in the “launching a new life” category, so I get it. I’m sorry for your loss, and I hope this next chapter brings you some good things. I’m glad I get to be here to read about them.

[reidharriscooper]

I hope I can wrap my head around writing them.

[thephantomq]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Taking care of an ageing parent is rough, and I commend you for doing all of that hard work. <3 Your mother had to have known she was loved. I'll gladly tackle this new, mom-less world with you.

[reidharriscooper]

I think she knew. She just didn't know why. Neither do I. I'm not saying she was ever a bad mother. She actually as she got older became much better. Younger she gave me space but didn't get into my things, as I got older she wanted to know more about what I was into.

[penpusher]

So sorry for your loss. I just lost my father this past December and am keeping an eye on my mom in similar ways, though thankfully she's in good shape.

One of the things I noticed about rehab is that they make you select where to send your family member, in many ways without any advice at all. So, you have to do your own legwork to know what might be best. And it also seems like these rehab centers are just clearing houses to get people's medicare money, in a way, that system is sketchy AF.

Our medical system is in need of a complete overhaul, but that's true of so much of the stuff that happens around here. Again, my condolences, and hope for your life to start smoothing out.

[reidharriscooper]

Condolences and respect for the loss of your father.

and yes, rehab as a whole, for everyone in it as patient, as employee, it's all just a bad system and they are locked in it.

[muchtooarrogant]

First, I'm so sorry for your loss! Both of my parents have passed, and for months afterwards I would think of calling them to say something, or start planning an event with them, or whatever. Their passing really didn't start feeling real for a very long time, and it took some adjustment on my part.

You have so many great experiences recorded here, but what I really enjoyed reading were the times when you were able to share them with your mother, especially the unplanned ones. Oh, and I'm super jealous that you got to meet George Takei!

Dan

[reidharriscooper]

I am glad I haven't had a thought and gone "Oh let me go tell mom"... that would ruin me. I understand it from someone else though. Especially if I didn't live with her. That would've been super different.

I'm not sure what made me list Goerge Takei specifically here btw. There are so many other famous people I've met and/or even did more than just meet. Especially in Vegas if you're a wrestling fan.

[hafnia]

God, what a rollercoaster!

I agree with those that said she was probably waiting for you to be out of the room before she passed — I had a friend who worked as a hospice nurse, and she said that it happens fairly frequently. ♥

[reidharriscooper]

She waited till I wasn't just out of the room, but at least an hour away by car after the event. It was a horrendous experience to come home to, but I am sure the other option would've been much worse.

[drippedonpaper]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. I can tell how much you loved her. Hugs.

There used to be a Casa Bonita in Arkansas that I loved so much I wrote about it for Idol once.

I hope this coming year includes some fun for you.

[reidharriscooper]

I hope so too.

I looked up that Casa Bonita in AK.
You should've linked to your write up. It was a much different spot then the spot currently in Denver.
If you have access to either Paramount+ OR a pirate ship look into ¡Casa Bonita Mi Amor!.
It is sadly not on physical media. Paramount considers it a selling point to the streaming service.

[bsgsix]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, and about how much upheaval you've experienced. That is a lot, and it sounds like a roller coaster for certain! I appreciate that you shared so much, and hope the good experiences truly outnumber the twists and turns - NYCC sounds wonderful. I hope it's revitalizing!

[simplyn2deep]

This really does feel like two years packed into one enormous roller coaster. There are so many adventures here, Philadelphia, Denver, Seattle, Vegas, wrestling shows, conventions, but they’re constantly happening alongside the responsibility of caring for your mom. That contrast made the happier memories with her stand out even more, especially the Philadelphia weekend and the time you took her to the Coney Island wrestling show after your original plans changed.

I’m so sorry about your mom. What really stayed with me was how much of these two years revolved around trying to balance being her caregiver with still being a person who needed moments to breathe and live your own life. I can understand why New York Comic Con feels like more than simply another convention now—it sounds like one of your first big steps into figuring out what this next version of your life looks like. And yes, I think LJ Idol is a pretty fitting group of people to ask, “Tackle it with me?”

[adoptedwriter]

Caregiving is rough and soul-draining. The “system” is miserable and broken beyond belief. Even is you do find a place that’s The Ritz, as you said: “ smoke and mirrors “. It complicates grief because there’s so much must do “work” to deal with, you can’t deal with your own feelings or self care. Hugs.

[gardeningatnight]

I am sorry for the loss of your mom. I wish you the best as you navigate this new chapter and rediscover how to live without the caretaking responsibilities.

[inchoatewords]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You've really had a turbulent last few years.

[ofearthandstars]

I feel for you. I lost my grandfather and both parents within a year in 2018-19, and then my grandmother in 2025 - and her last 6 months were all caregiving. It is hard to maintain self-care, friendships, other family relationships, and your sanity at the state of health care and caregiving resources in the U.S.

I hope you have more trips and opportunities for joy planned ahead.

[halfshellvenus]

I'm so sorry about your mom. It sounds as if the two of you went through a lot over this two-year-plus period, and I can imagine that it was emotionally and physically exhausting for you both.

But it's nice that you were able to do so much with her before the stroke--even before the colostomy reversal. You got to spend valuable time together, and she had new, fun experiences at an age where those things are incredibly rare. Hang on to those good memories, if you can, as you continue to recover from all of this.

[krispykritter]

This definitely was a roller coaster ride! I've taken care of two aging parents until their passing and it was probably the most difficult thing I've ever experienced. Glad you got to do some fun and rewarding things.

[imafarmgirl]

Sounds like you've been up to a lot. Also you have a good memory.

[lapis_lazuli615]

Well that was a slog. I imagine that's kind of how it felt to live it. My sympathies on your loss, but sometimes it's just enough to know they are no longer in pain, in my experience.

I noted a couple of places I've also been - Javitz center and Philly convention center - so those gave me ways to connect to you through the piece. I'm not a wrestling person tho, but I have friends who are. :)